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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
July 2, 2017
A FIRST DOG'S TALE
No! No! Please don't take me back to the White House. I am an Afghan. I am asking
Don't be silly. You're an Afghan Hound born and bred in the United States. You're
just as American as anyone else born here.
But you don't understand, they are crazy.
Who do you mean? The first family?
Look he makes everyone comb - all the women - comb their hair with a center
parting, brushed down. He had it done to me ... only ...
My tail. Whenever I wagged it the parting and the hair would again fall naturally
messing up the style.
So what! He ordered my tail docked. My beautiful tail. It's what they do to spaniels,
But that's no reason ...
It is for me. It's my tail. How would you like a part of your anatomy removed? And
Yes! He wants to invade North Korea ... know why?
For the missiles and bombs?
No, no, no! He plans to pass a law ordering all of them to become blonde.
Are you crazy?
You mean crazy like a fox. He has given an exclusive North Korea hair salon contract
to his son-in-law. You know, the cold fish ...
You've gotta be kidding ...
I am deadly serious. They think it's gonna get them a $100 to $200 million a year
forever. And they want to make it their national duty to have more children. Imagine
the repeat business when everyone has to have their roots done every few months.
It's a bonanza ... His dream is to be the richest guy in the world.
Amazing! And one more thing: I am sick of hearing 'great' and 'amazing'. I'm starting
to say them too ...