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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 30, 2018


New Item:  The popular Christmas song "Little Drummer Boy" came out in the 1950s.

You know they are writing songs about me ...

Of course, Mr. President.

Yes, I just heard it the other day ...

What is it called, Sir?

I don't know.  I just heard snatches of it.

It wouldn't hurt us to publicize it.  Do you happen to remember how it goes?

Oh yes, I do.  Sings loudly, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP,  

You know Sir, I don't like the 'RUMP' part.  Perhaps we can alter it in the version we
put out.

Why what's wrong with it?  I thought it referred to my love of rump steak and
cheeseburgers and so on.  Say, while I am thinking about it ...  could you call down
for a cheeseburger?  I am getting sort of hungry.  Starts humming,

Sir, (as he picks up the phone) I don't know a lot of Christmas songs but your song
has a certain familiar ring to it ...

So, you have heard it too.  Well, well, doesn't surprise me.  It's clearly a hit.  Say, they
are using my name and the TRUMP brand ... can we sue them for part of the

I don't know offhand but you have a point.  I'll make inquiries.

How's the cheeseburger coming? ... TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP,
TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP ...  I like it.

It's on its way.  I like it too.  Starts humming and soon both are singing it together ...