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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 27, 2020


News Item:  President Trump signs stimulus bill and numerous pardons.

Doughnaald!  I'm glad you sign stimulus.

I'm glad you're glad, Melania.

Except for one thing, Doughnaald?

What's that?

I need stimulus too, Doughnaald ... my handsome ...

Oh!  Oh!  Let's not get into that Melania.  Can't you wait till we get back to New York?

That's too long, Doughnaald.

Don't you see, I have so many things to think about, Melania.  Just the Presidential
pardons alone are keeping me busy.  To be safe, all our friends want one and we
can't forget Jared and our daughter, and of course ourselves.  You never know what
Biden might bring up.

What about Jared's father? Not nice to have a convicted criminal for a father,
Doughnaald ...

Don't worry, I've taken care of that.  What about your own family, Melania?  Better
safe than sorry ... as they say.  Coming down the stairs just now I ran into our butler.  
He said, 'Pardon me, Sir," ... and so I did.

What about your favorite chef, Doughnaald?

You mean the cheeseburger guy.  I can't forget him just in case he poisons
someone.  Thinking of him though makes me peckish  Could you, Melania, please.

But Doughnaald, it's 3 o'clock.  You eat dinner at 8 or 9.

Please, Melania.  It's the stress.  I'm hungry.  Could you please get me a big fat, juicy