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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 27, 2015
SANTA VISITS THE U.S.
News Item: In the U.S. this year, the news seemed centered on a paranoid fear of
terrorism and police brutality.
What happened Santa? You look like it's been a rough ride.
It has, it has. And everything went well until the reindeer entered US airspace. It was
terrible ...
What did they do?
Well, there were these planes. I could hear the pilots' chatter. They were not going
to allow another 9/11, they said. Then the missiles started coming in. But they were
heat-seeking and we were ice cold, so they kept going ... whizzing by ...
What did you do?
We just stopped and the planes shot by. So we dropped down and landed. And
barely a few chimneys later, I was accosted by a cop.
A cop! What did he want?
He accused me of 'breaking and entering'.
'Breaking and entering'! Didn't you tell him you were giving toys, not taking them.
I did, I did, and he got really mad saying, did I took him for a five-year old and so on.
I told him he could just watch and he'd see me give away the toys but he kept yelling
'stop.' Then he fired something that hit the sled and gave us all quite a buzz. You
mean a taser -- the wires are still trailing.
We just took off then, and he started shooting at us. Poor Prancer!
Don't worry Santa, it's only a flesh wound. He'll be right as rain in no time, ...
certainly ready for next year.
Next year! I don't think I am ever going back. Don't worry, the Chinese will take up
the slack, and they charge almost nothing ...
SANTA VISITS THE U.S.
News Item: In the U.S. this year, the news seemed centered on a paranoid fear of
terrorism and police brutality.
What happened Santa? You look like it's been a rough ride.
It has, it has. And everything went well until the reindeer entered US airspace. It was
terrible ...
What did they do?
Well, there were these planes. I could hear the pilots' chatter. They were not going
to allow another 9/11, they said. Then the missiles started coming in. But they were
heat-seeking and we were ice cold, so they kept going ... whizzing by ...
What did you do?
We just stopped and the planes shot by. So we dropped down and landed. And
barely a few chimneys later, I was accosted by a cop.
A cop! What did he want?
He accused me of 'breaking and entering'.
'Breaking and entering'! Didn't you tell him you were giving toys, not taking them.
I did, I did, and he got really mad saying, did I took him for a five-year old and so on.
I told him he could just watch and he'd see me give away the toys but he kept yelling
'stop.' Then he fired something that hit the sled and gave us all quite a buzz. You
mean a taser -- the wires are still trailing.
We just took off then, and he started shooting at us. Poor Prancer!
Don't worry Santa, it's only a flesh wound. He'll be right as rain in no time, ...
certainly ready for next year.
Next year! I don't think I am ever going back. Don't worry, the Chinese will take up
the slack, and they charge almost nothing ...