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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 21, 2014


News Item:  After a half-century, US to restore diplomatic relations with Cuba and to
seek to end the trade embargo.

Your grand holiness, what prompted you to this historic course of action?

The Grand Ollama is a historic figure ... and, man, its legacy time ...

So you're worried about your legacy.

Yes.  I do not wish to be remembered for something like Bill Clinton's welfare 'reform'
or his financial 'reform' leading to financial disaster.  So there's the legacy question
and then there's my mother-in-law ...

Mother-in-law?  What has she got to do with it?

It is difficult.  She wants to learn to do the original rumba in Havana!

She does!?  

Yeah!  And then there's dragon lady ...  I mean the Grand Ollamess -- it's impossible
when the two gang up on you -- she wants to spend next Christmas in Cuba.  You
know how she likes to travel ... and she hates it, she can't go to Cuba ... right here,
on her doorstep.

Anything else?

Well, there's all the Midwest on my back wanting to sell food and all kinds of stuff to
feed those Cubans and make tons of money.

And what about you?

Well, for over fifty years our policy of isolation has failed, but now with all our money
soon to be going there and a sizable embassy, I thought I can put Victoria Nuland to
work ...

You mean, Ukraine them.

I prefer to call it, Nukraine -- much better then nukes and just as effective.  And then,
I also got to thinking.  If Putin can enjoy Cuban cigars, why shouldn't I?  I've had it
with nicotine gum ... too much bad PR ...