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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
December 8, 2013
THE BLACK DACHSHUND
News Item: Contestants for the 2016 U.S. presidential race are astir.
It is not that I am unhappy in my present circumstances -- I have a wonderful master
... he does everything I say. No, a dog has to think of the future ... look ahead. And I
love this country. I was born here, and like most of its white residents, I am of
But here's the thing ... I am black. I want to be the country's second black president.
You laugh? Well, let me make a list of my qualities:
1. I am obedient ... most of the time. It means those who pay to get me elected can
order me about.
2. I sleep sixteen hours a day. You laugh and say how can I do the job then ... I say,
look at the record of past presidents. Don't you wish they had slept most of the time?
3. I don't go around attacking other dogs' territories. I just defend my own, and they
know not to enter my domain. Just look at the cost and suffering caused by wars.
Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan ... To what end? Even WWII. Japan and Germany
wanted open markets. They got them anyway ... after a debilitating war killing and
displacing tens of millions and the misery it caused is not forgotten today.
4. If I jump a bitch in the Oval Office, no one is going to bat an eyelid. It won't bring
the country to a stop.
5. You can cut out half the Secret Service; I can guard myself.
There are other reasons I can think up and I'll let you know later. But get the money
rolling and start making placards, "Smoky for President".
I will smoke out the evildoers. Change is afoot ... at last.