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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
October 18, 2015


News Item:  A Hindu mob beat to death a Muslim man in their village following rumors
he was storing beef ... turned out to be mutton after police had it tested.

But the whole world eats beef.  The Americans love their steak.  They make up funny
names like "Surf and Turf" for their dishes.  It means lobster with beef steak.

What is lobster?

It's like a giant scorpion without a stinger.  Lives at the bottom of the sea.

Imagine eating that!  All barbarians, I tell you.  All barbarians.  We need to civilize
them as Ghandiji said.

What do you mean?

Oh you know.  You must know, you're a reporter.  When he was asked, 'What do you
think of Western civilization?'  He said it was a very good idea.  Get it.  We need to
civilize them.

And the Argentinians, with their foot-long slabs of beef, even for lunch.  They have a
huge cattle industry.  And the British with their Sunday roast beef and Yorkshire
pudding.  And the Black Angus cattle.  And the Europeans, Africans,
Middle-Easterners and all the countries surrounding India.  And the Chinese ...

Oh the Chinese will eat anything ...

What about the Japanese then ... famous for their juicy, tender Kobe beef.  It's
absolutely delicious ...

Delicious!  Did you say delicious?  Men come quick.  Bring your lathis.  We have
another beef-eater to deal with ...

Help!  Help, police!  Help!

Come quickly.  He's running away.  But we can catch him before he gets to the police
station ...