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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
September 29, 2019


News Item:  House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced an impeachment inquiry
initiated in the House against President Trump.

Mr. President, are you not worried the House is thinking about impeaching you?

Worried?  Why should I worry?  I love peaches.  If I have a worry, it's that peaches
are out of season.

Mr. President!  Very, very few presidents have had to be impeached.  That should tell
you something.

It does, it does.  Amazing!  It must be quite an honor and I'll be making history.  You
can tell them from me if they can't find peaches, they can use pears -- impearment is
fine.  I am not a vain person and I don't mind being impeared ... not one bit.

Of course, sir, and that's very generous of you.

Yes, compromise.  That's what I've learned in the last two years.  I have simple tastes
like my voters ... fast food ... things like hot dogs and burgers with cheese.  I don't
mind telling you.  I looked for a Frankfurter or Hamburger for Supreme Court judge.  
Couldn't find any.  Look at all the trouble we had with Kavanaugh.  Something wrong
with that name.  You don't get a warm glow inside as you do with something like
Hamburger ... aah! (Closes his eyes).

Quite, sir.  There's another question, perhaps sensitive.  It's about the First Lady.  
They're saying she is the least active, made the fewest speeches, only 70 so far, just
a quarter of Michelle Obama in the same time period ...

Oh, they'll say anything.  English is not her mother tongue, you know.  She is from
Albania and that makes it difficult.

But, sir, she is from Slovenia ...

Slovenia, Albania, what's the difference?  They are all those East European jobs
exporting beautiful women.  Tell them from me, she's doing a fine job.  Hey!  On your
way out get 'em to send me a CHEEEESEBURGER ... maybe they heard that ...