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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
September 2, 2018


News Item:  Researchers have discovered that goats are drawn to happy human
fans, displaying a dog-like ability to read human expressions.

Don't you see ... it's what I've been telling you all these years.  No one likes a scowl,
Doughnaald ...

Is that why you lock me out of the bedroom?

No, that's different.  I can't stand the smell of raw onions from your nightly
cheeseburgers and your loud belches and ...

You do go on.  I can't  help it if I am full of gas ... anyway, I like onions.

Don't I know it!  Why do you keep fighting the whole world, Doughnaald, and why are
you being less than generous with the dead.

You mean McCain and Aretha ...

Of course.

Well, what kind of hero is McCain.  First, he gets shot down instead of completing his
mission, then  he squeals like a rabbit ...

He was tortured ...

Listen, I had a splinter under my fingernail ...

It's a little worse than your splinter ...

I remember playing golf with a sprained ankle ...

Oh, I give up, Doughnaald.  What about Aretha Franklin?  I told the truth:  I knew
her.  She did work for me.

You didn't have to say it quite like that just because she performed at your casino ...

I told the absolute truth, I am telling you ...

Oh, Doughnaaaald!