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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
July 8, 2018
NEYMAR .... AARGH
News Item: Neymar's dramatics faking pain become a legend as the World Cup
continues although Brazil is out. He is a hero in Brazil and one of the world's highest
What are you doing Neymar?
But why are you screaming as if in pain?
That's my latest. I am giving it one hundred percent.
It's so real, I was going to call an ambulance ...
No, don't do that. If the papers get a hold of it, I'll be a laughing stock.
But they pay you something like 40 million to play football ...
They do, they do. And I practice harder than anyone on the field. Here at home I
practice too. I practice my dramatic techniques.
But you're faking ...
Of course! Everyone does it. Have you seen the Italians, the Argentinians, the
Colombians? You name it. You know when I finish with football, I'll become an actor.
You already are.
Thank you! I mean in the movies and TV. Have you seen this one? (Rolls on the
floor in a double twist, then buckles his knees holding his ankle, rocking back and
forth screaming AARGH and banging his head on the carpet). I call it my penalty kick
You mean you'll get to kick in a penalty goal ...
Why do you think they give me all those bucks. I am an original, an artist of the sport
of football, a natural ... I am NEYMARRGH!