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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
July 8, 2018
NEYMAR .... AARGH
News Item: Neymar's dramatics faking pain become a legend as the World Cup
continues although Brazil is out. He is a hero in Brazil and one of the world's highest
paid footballers.
What are you doing Neymar?
I''m practicing.
But why are you screaming as if in pain?
That's my latest. I am giving it one hundred percent.
It's so real, I was going to call an ambulance ...
No, don't do that. If the papers get a hold of it, I'll be a laughing stock.
But they pay you something like 40 million to play football ...
They do, they do. And I practice harder than anyone on the field. Here at home I
practice too. I practice my dramatic techniques.
But you're faking ...
Of course! Everyone does it. Have you seen the Italians, the Argentinians, the
Colombians? You name it. You know when I finish with football, I'll become an actor.
You already are.
Thank you! I mean in the movies and TV. Have you seen this one? (Rolls on the
floor in a double twist, then buckles his knees holding his ankle, rocking back and
forth screaming AARGH and banging his head on the carpet). I call it my penalty kick
move.
You mean you'll get to kick in a penalty goal ...
Why do you think they give me all those bucks. I am an original, an artist of the sport
of football, a natural ... I am NEYMARRGH!
NEYMAR .... AARGH
News Item: Neymar's dramatics faking pain become a legend as the World Cup
continues although Brazil is out. He is a hero in Brazil and one of the world's highest
paid footballers.
What are you doing Neymar?
I''m practicing.
But why are you screaming as if in pain?
That's my latest. I am giving it one hundred percent.
It's so real, I was going to call an ambulance ...
No, don't do that. If the papers get a hold of it, I'll be a laughing stock.
But they pay you something like 40 million to play football ...
They do, they do. And I practice harder than anyone on the field. Here at home I
practice too. I practice my dramatic techniques.
But you're faking ...
Of course! Everyone does it. Have you seen the Italians, the Argentinians, the
Colombians? You name it. You know when I finish with football, I'll become an actor.
You already are.
Thank you! I mean in the movies and TV. Have you seen this one? (Rolls on the
floor in a double twist, then buckles his knees holding his ankle, rocking back and
forth screaming AARGH and banging his head on the carpet). I call it my penalty kick
move.
You mean you'll get to kick in a penalty goal ...
Why do you think they give me all those bucks. I am an original, an artist of the sport
of football, a natural ... I am NEYMARRGH!