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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
July 8, 2018


News Item:  Neymar's dramatics faking pain become a legend as the World Cup
continues although Brazil is out.  He is a hero in Brazil and one of the world's highest
paid footballers.

What are you doing Neymar?

I''m practicing.

But why are you screaming as if in pain?

That's my latest.  I am giving it one hundred percent.

It's so real, I was going to call an ambulance ...

No, don't do that.  If the papers get a hold of it,  I'll be a laughing stock.

But they pay you something like 40 million to play football ...

They do, they do.  And I practice harder than anyone on the field.  Here at home I
practice too.  I practice my dramatic techniques.

But you're faking ...

Of course!  Everyone does it.  Have you seen the Italians, the Argentinians, the
Colombians?  You name it.  You know when I finish with football, I'll become an actor.

You already are.

Thank you!  I mean in the movies and TV.  Have you seen this one?  (Rolls on the
floor in a double twist, then buckles his knees holding his ankle, rocking back and
forth screaming AARGH and banging his head on the carpet).  I call it my penalty kick

You mean you'll get to kick in a penalty goal ...

Why do you think they give me all those bucks.  I am an original, an artist of the sport
of football, a natural ... I am NEYMARRGH!