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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
July 7, 2013


News Item:  Not only are phone calls and emails monitored, but this week evidence
released showing that the U.S. bugged E.U. embassies.

Now, tell me about yourself ....

What is there to tell ... the world hates me.

Why do you think that is ...?  (Notes down 'paranoia' on his file).

I am BOTUS the Bug of the United States ... the Chief Bugger ... all the other bugs
work for me.

So, you are the Bugger-in-Chief ...

No, no! that's my boss; there is a difference.  I supervise the bugs in the U.S. only,
while he is the boss of all the Chief Buggers we have in all theaters across the world.

So what's the problem?

My boss is very unhappy.  He thinks fair's fair -- you know everything about him; now
he knows everything about you.  So when one of my buggers squeals everywhere,
he is angry.  To be frank, I too, as an honest bug, am hopping mad.  But he says I
should have squashed that bug a long time ago. You know, I found out all there was
to know about the E.U. trade strategy.  Now they know we know, and we know they
know we know ... you see, it's a mess; no wonder the trade talks have become a
problem.  Before, we were always ready in our trade deals ... we had their playbook!  
Heh!  Heh!  But that was then, now it looks like I am being hung out to dry ...  a
lifetime of work and no one cares.

I am sorry.  But in your line of work you have to take the rough with the smooth ... it's
all ... how can I put it ... it's all part of life's rich tapestry ...

Easy for you to say, but it gets worse ...

Why, what did you do?

It was an accident ...

What ... what?

A complete misunderstanding.  Smelled pine-like ... nice shrubbery I thought.  So, I
slipped in and settled down for a nap.  Then all hell broke loose.

Why?  What happened?

It was the boss lady.  It wasn't my fault ...  I can't help it if she dresses like a Christmas
tree ...