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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
July 3, 2011
I am Bat-ray-us. Now I know you
may think I am only a staff officer
with no real battlefield command
experience, but I'll tell you
something: we staff officers
know the system; we know how
to get things done. I just want to
get this off my chest which is
heavy enough with all my medals. I love the military. You can sit at a desk
all your life (in different locations
of course, which makes it even better) and they keep pinning these medals
on you -- medalomania I call it, and, I love it. Maybe I am a medalomaniac.
Ha! Ha! Maybe all of us are. But I am digressing.
What I want to really talk about today is my invention. It is not new -- I have
been using it for a while -- but it has been a secret, and now that I am off to
the See-I-All place, I can reveal it. I am the inventor of the U.S. Bat Ray. No,
it's not a battery -- a Bat Ray. Using echo location and other top secret wave
dispersing technologies, it renders the visible invisible. Yes, you heard it
Has it been tried? Yes. Has it been successful? A resounding yes! I made
all the insurgents in Iraq invisible while I was there. Poof! Disappeared.
Unfortunately, the Bat Ray device is not user friendly, and my successors
are unable to operate it as effectively as I did. Same story in Afghanistan.
No Taliban ... just their bullets. Damn! I'll soon fix it. Don't worry, I am
Bat-ray-us, the fixer.