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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
April 20, 2014
THE EASTER BUNNY
News Item: An agreement on Ukraine was reached yesterday in a short six-hour
meeting of Foreign Ministers in Geneva. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief
(especially the Europeans who would be hurt most by sanctions) and went home.
The devil is in the details they say, and the negotiations to implement are left
primarily to Ukraine and Russia.
Yes, I pulled myself out of a hat. It was easy. The Grand Ollama of the far big lands
did not want sanctions. The German Schnauzer squealed nervously, in private even
more so, when the Dobermans of business began to snarl at the cost. And the
Russian Bear does not want indigestion from the poor, gristly, Ukraine morsel.
And the anserine Kerri-oke continued to sound threatening even while Crimea has
disappeared into the Bear's innards and was not even mentioned. His well-girthed
Sancho Panza, the famed loose-lips Vicky-leaks also of the New Lands sat rotundly
and silent by his side eating ... her words and snacks which, unlike the paid-for
Maidan protesters, the Europeans refused. Rumor has it, the Grand Ollama had
ordered 'CRIMEA' to be branded/tattooed on her ample gluteus maximus, but the
artist ran out of space and it read 'CRIME' ... then a large space before the 'A'. No
wonder she looked glum.
Under these circumstances, agreement was easy. And there I am ... out of a hat. It's
Easter after all. Happy Easter!