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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
April 17, 2011


News Item: Over 300 CIA personnel asked to leave Pakistan.

Oh, Grand Ollama, I beseech thee;
hear my plea.  Put in a good word
for me to thy underling, the Great
Octopus of our world, the See I All
with its seeing eyes in the sky and
its flying hawks that spit on and
explode their prey.

Yes, I know the Great Octopus the
See I All has had a setback in the
land of the big river that overflows
its banks and the five little rivers,
though also big -- that too I know.  
The hairless ape they used as a hit-man has been kicked out as have more
than three hundred of his comrades.

But white hairless apes stand out in a land of brown sunburned ones; I do
not.  So let me set forth my unique qualities:  Sharp of tooth, long of claw
and fleet of foot, I kill for a living.  With daily practice, I never miss, and ... I
never get caught.  I can hide in the smallest brush; I feed myself; and like
you, Grand Ollama, I come from the New World.  I am ... Jaguar -- top predator
in my world.  Unlike your seeing eye predators with exploding spittle, I do
not leave vast surplus dead.  I am accurate -- no collaterals when I work.

Now I have to confess to an ambition or two.  First, I love to travel, and what
better way than on government expense.  Then my greatest ambition:  If I kill
enough, in the cause of peace of course, it is my fervent wish and hope --
and if past is prologue, I am certain of it -- they will award me a Nobel Peace