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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
April 3, 2011


Yes, I am the Grand Ollama.  You may think I lead a life of luxury as the boss
of my herd.  It's true; I do.  But all is not as simple as it seems.  I have a lot of
worries as your chief.  For example, do you think it's easy to find tasty
grazing?  I can tell you it takes a lot of thinking and planning -- things I can
do because I am smart.

Of course, many are complaining that my friends Bee Pee (what a name),
Sitty and her crowd are getting the choicest patches and a lot of them.  But,
you know what?  You may not know it but they make your lives better.  The
ones that were eating too much Gulf shrimp and crawfish and getting high
cholesterol and heart attacks.  Well, Bee Pee took care of it.  And all the
ones trying to buy houses, they couldn't afford.  It would just have been a
long-term worry anyway, and, you know my fellow llamas, you were meant to
live in the open.  The great Father Llama up in the sky who I pray to, and who
inspires me, intended it that way.

Now some say, I am sending llamas where they were not intended to go.  It's
a falsehood.  The camels in Iraq and Libya are our cousins.  It is only natural
we should look after our old world relatives.  They haven't had the sweet
pastures and the cool mountain breezes we do.  All they get is sand blown in
their faces and everyone wanting something from them they call oil.  Well,
whatever it is, don't you think we should get a fair share?

To those of you who complain, just measure my worries for you against the
luxury you allow me to live in, and you will agree I deserve every dessert I