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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
March 18, 2012


News Item:  British Prime Minister David Cameron and his wife were on a State
visit to the U.S. this week.

Yes, we were fierce once, and, yes, we can be stubborn, but, like our Queen
and our country, we are now as docile as an old lady.

Well, I am enjoying my visit here in the U.S. with the Grand Ollama.  You
know we owned this country once.  Too bad we let it go.  Just imagine, I
have to come here to ask permission to pull out of Afghanistan early.  Well, I

You know, I even have to borrow the Grand Ollama's Cadillac to tool around
in.  I can't use a Rolls -- too expensive, and it's not British, the Germans
have grabbed it.  I used a Jaguar but now the Indians own that ... and we
used to own them.  Fate can be cruel sometimes.  Still, we have the curries
-- 'finger lickin' good' as your original KFC's Col. Sanders used to say.

Well, we had Beef Wellington as the main course at the official dinner --
personally, I prefer a good Steak 'n Kidney Pud myself.  Anyway, I did not
want to tell old Ollama that the Duke of Wellington ruled the U.S. on our
behalf for a while.  Should have kept him here ... he would've sorted out
those American rebels.  But we needed him in India, and to fight Napoleon in
Spain and at Waterloo.  Pity, we couldn't have had more than one of him.  Set
up King's College London too, in quick response to the "Godless dump on
Gower Street" (University College to you folks).

So, here I am being fed by the man who is the Commander-in-Chief of the
strongest military force in the world.  And guess what?  Irony of ironies ... his
grandfather used to cook for the British Army in Kenya.  No wonder he likes
food.  How does he keep so slim though?  I think it's the heavy smoking.

The world is really full of ironies.  God knows what will happen in the next
fifty years.  Maybe, my grandson will be trying to squeeze something out of a
Chinese leader whose grandfather ran a chop suey joint somewhere.  I am
tired ... I'll take an early night, I think.  It's a long ride back home tomorrow.  
Tell you what ... we can still put on a jolly good show.  So, come to the
Olympics ... pleeeeeeeeze!  We need the money.