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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
March 14, 2021

H & M (continued)

News Item:  Harry and Meghan live in a palatial mansion in Montecito, CA.  The
house has nine bathrooms.  They bought the 1962 E. Valley Road property for
$14,650,000 in 2020.

Nine bathrooms!  Good Lord!    What do they do with them?  

Well, they use their own two and then sometimes the closest one to where they are ...
er, when there are emergencies.

What do you mean by emergencies?

Oh, well!  You know as well as I do that they have bouts of verbal diarrhea ... and
then it's as fast as one can get there.

I see what you mean.

Of course three are the servants ... I mean the staff as you call them in this country.

She has a record of treating them rather harshly so perhaps servants is the right
word.  But to get back to the bathrooms.  Don't the servants have conveniences in
their own quarters?

On, they do!  They do!  But sometimes they can't get to them quickly enough.

What on earth do you mean?

Quite frankly, their public behavior and behavior in front of others like guests is quite
different from the way they are in private.


So it makes us puke and we can't get to our own facilities fast enough.  I tell you the
nine bathrooms come in handy.  In fact we could do with a few more.  For example,
that Oprah interview was a challenge.  You could have heard us retching in Nevada!

I suppose they did a lot of editing to remove the vomit noise.

And she was hopping mad afterwards.  Threatened to fire us without references.  So
we told her we had all eaten some bad fish.