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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
March 10, 2013


News Item:  Secretary of State John Kerry on his multinational tour of Europe and the
Middle East.

Tutta, tutti, chiaro amici.

Tutti Fruitti?  I love ice cream.

Non!  Tutti, tutti, all of-a 'em.  These immigrante.  We-a need-a to send 'em back-a
for Italia to recover ...

Tutti Fruitti.  I love Tutti Fruitti.

You-a Tutti Fruitti?  And the Ollama ... he like-a ....

Oh, the Grand Ollama?  He is ambivalent.

You-a tutti fruitti.  The Ollama am-a bivalent ... oh! oh! oh!  You-a come to my bunga
bunga party.  We Italiano -- how you say it-a -- we are-a open-minded.

Bunga bunga?  Oh, no!  Thank you.  You are very kind.  But my better half, you see
...  She has all the money.  And the Ollamess is no shrinking violet.  The Grand
Ollama is afraid of her ...

Oh-a, don't-a worry, I'll-a call it a state-a dinner when I am-a Prime-a Minister again.  
The signoras we-a take-a aside-a, and-a send home early-eh!  (smiles and winks).

You are too kind, I must say.  Look, I really must be going.  I'll pass on your invitation
to the Grand Ollama.

Hey, don't-a go yet-a, I hear you-a sing-a  ... like I-a do.

Well not quite the same, I try.

You wanna sing-a now.  Maybe a duetto?

No, no, no.  Not enough time, unfortunately ...  I am so sorry.

Well, at-a the bunga bunga then-a, the girls and-a maybe (winks) your boys-a really
like-a  ...

Look, I just have to be going.  Many thanks and good bye.

Arrivederla and-a bunga bunga forever eh!