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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
February 16, 2020


News Item:  Chancellor of the Exchequer Sajid Javid resigned last week.  Dominic
Cummings, the 'power behind the throne', is said to be responsible.

As I was saying, Sajid, you have done a super job.

Thank you prime minister.

All the same, we would like you to fire all your advisers, and we will provide them
anew from the Prime Minister's office.

No self-respecting minister can work like that.  But I have an alternative to resignation

What's that?

My advisers will all dye their hair yellow and wear it in a scruffy uncombed style.

Hey Dominic! (shouting to an anteroom) Will that do?

NO!  (a voice shouts back from the anteroom)

Sorry! Sajid that is not acceptable.

I have an even better idea.  I don't have any hair but I'll paint my own scalp yellow ...

NO!  (the voice shouts again)

What if I also have some scruffy hair painted on it?

Hey that's spiffy.  What do you think Dominic?


Sorry Sajid.  Dominic is so hard to please.

Yes.  Also a poor loser.  I got the better of him many times.  You'll lose a good
Chancellor.  How about if I get a scruffy blond wig?

Hey that's an idea.  What do you say Dominic?


Well, that's it then, Sajid.  Sorry to lose you.

I have one thing to say, if I may.  If history repeats, PMs firing a chancellor are
generally out themselves pretty soon.  You do know that.  No one to keep the brakes
on their spending, you see,  just as you intend to do to help show Brexit a success ...
at least in the short term.

Is that so, Dominic?  What are you getting me into?

Don't say I didn't warn you.  Meanwhile, I can take on a consulting job for my fellow
egghead, Jeff Bezos -- bring in some money you know -- two eggheads are better
than one, as they say.  And I've noticed before just being an MP doesn't take all my
time.  Of course having been Chancellor will only increase my ... (begins to muse with
a smile) ...