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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill

February 7, 2021
SETTLING INTO RETIREMENT
New Item: Trump Tower in Chicago violates environmental laws by sucking massive
amounts of water from the Chicago River without a valid permit.
Damn, I forgot that one.
You forget golf club, Doughnaald?
No, no, Melania. I was thinking of my building in Chicago and environmental laws.
Environment is important, Doughnaald ...
Yes, yes, yes, Melania but not when it hurts profits.
But I thought you leave business to children.
And children, they are not telling me about this while I was president.
(Coquettishly) You always president with me ...
Not before breakfast, Melalnia. I am hungry.
I was going to have a coffee get-together today with some of the women. You know,
get all the gossip. You want to stay?
What? With those women? I am playing golf.
Maybe, if I ask them to bring their daughters ...
You know, maybe I can stay. And you know I could give golf lessons to the
daughters. You know how much I like to help young people ...
I know, Doughnaald. I change my mind. I think I'll have a quiet read. Both of us
together.
Read! Me, read! I had enough of that in four years at the White House. Why, I was
so sick of it, I had to employ someone to read for me.
I know, the young blonde. I think I'll order you a cheeseburger with plenty of cheese.
It will settle you down ...