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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
January 31, 2021
CALL ME DR. JILL
News Item: Mrs. Joe Biden, a school teacher and a professor at a community
college, prefers to be called Dr. Jill Biden.
Hey, Jill, do you know what happened to my red tie?
Joe, you know I prefer to be called Dr. Jill.
But ... but ... I'm your husband and ...
So-o? I worked hard for that title and I want to use it.
But surely not in the intimacy of our bedroom.
Watch it, or it'll be MY bedroom.
Listen, I am PRESIDENT of the United States.
And you listen, I am Dr. Jill.
All right Dr. Jill darling -- that just sounds absurd.
No, it's not. It's music to my ears ... Doctor Jill, and did I work to get that title ...
But Ji-ill even professors at the University of Chicago don't use that title. They
reserve it for real doctors, you know, MD's and so forth.
That's their choice ... and it's Dr. Jill, remember. Kissinger was always called Dr.
Kissinger. So why shouldn't I be called Dr. Jill?
But he was so German and always expositing ideas and theories in a professorial
And I am not? I'll have you know, Joe, I have theories too.
Don't you see the Germans overdo things. Hell, I knew a German professor with two
doctorates who called himself Prof. Dr. Dr.
Sensible man. How can you blame him?
Okay! Okay! You win, Dr. Jill. Now can you tell me, please, Dr. Jill, where my red tie