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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
January 12, 2014


News Item:  Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates' just released book portrays
Joe Biden as never right on a foreign policy issue in forty years.

Well!  Those kinds of comments don't deserve a reply.  See, who I am having lunch
with ... as long as my boss is happy.  My job is to lick and satisfy egos. It's got me
where I am -- the best gig in town:  house, home, even a plane and I get to hammer a
gavel in my old haunts ...  what more can one want?  You make what you can out of a

And I made it on to the ticket the second time around when many thought I'd be
dumped.  You just have to have a thick hide ... and keep on lickin'.

Remember, when they sent me to Israel and those guys gave me the boot -- well, just
keep on lickin' ...  gets you a comfortable lap to sit on ... and the perks with it.

Foreign policy?  Who cares, this is the greatest country in the world.  We can bury

Just get me to a donor ...  I'll lick his boots off til his wallet's empty!

That's what counts ... and havn' a thick hide.

Remember when I was running for President, and they caught me stealing lines from
that Brit guy -- I forgot his name ...  just a mix-up -- gets so darn confusing sometimes

But you know something ... I survived ... just don't ever count me out ... I have what
you need in this town -- a tough skin and a long tongue.

Just ask Bill Clinton ... a man after my own heart -- more likely after my wife and
daughter (and yours too) if you ask me ...