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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
January 3, 2016


What does the Obaminable Snowman do, Papa?

Oh, he just soft-soaps you with smooth talk dribbling it all over you and it freezes.

Oh yuck!

Worse, you get frozen in its ideas and can't think ...

Why does it do that?

It's a matter of carrots ...

You mean the one that's his nose ...

Well, in a way, but he gets lots of carrots with unsaid promises of many, many  more
to come.

How an a promise be unsaid, Papa?

When people are very clever, they say things by example.  His Democratic
predecessor has a fortune now of over a hundred million carrots.

Wow!  How can he eat them all, Papa?

He can't.  But people are greedy.

Why did they give him so many carrots?

Oh he abolished laws that protected little people and made big people even richer.  
And the little people paid ...

Weren't the little people angry?  Why did they elect his friend?  I know, he is the
Obaminable Snowman.

And now they want to elect his wife.

The Obaminable Snowman's?

No, the other guy's and she's as shady as they come.

What did she do, Papa?

Among other things, she claims to converting $1000 to $100,000 in one year trading

Even I know that is a risky business, and most people new to the game lose their
money.  How likely is that?  And didn't you write a paper on commodities and efficient
capital markets ...

If you mean making $100,000 out of $1000 in one year ... about as likely as her
being hit by lightning.  She also wrote sham contracts.

What's a sham contract, Papa?

It's not real ... like she wrote a sales contract but hidden was an option to buy it back.

But that is not really a sale.

Smart boy ...

Didn't she work for the Obaminable Snowman?  Why would he pick her if she did all
those things?

Politics make strange ...

Bedfellows.  I have heard that one.

Yes, and she took a leading role in the Obaminations of Libya, Ukraine and Syria.

You mean all the places with all the refugees fleeing their houses and the children
looking wide-eyed and so scared.  I don't like to talk about it Papa.

Sorry, son.

Why do people keep electing them, Papa?

I don't know.  Maybe it's a political Alzheimer's.  Maybe they have so much on their
plate just making ends meet, they don't have time to think ...

When I grow up, I'll take time to think ...

Good boy!

Now who is this Trump?  He seems to like to say nasty things about everyone and
keep shouting, "I'm rich, I'm smart."  Well, if I was rich I wouldn't brag about it.  It's not
nice.  And if I was really smart, people would know without me shouting it out.

You know my boy, you'd make a better and more honest president than any of these
guys.  Too bad you're only ten.