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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
July 28, 2013
THE DOGS OF WAR -- A FRENCH EXPLANATION
News Item: Dominique Strauss-Kahn charged with "pimping" by French authorities.
meanwhile, Mayor Filner of San Diego apologizes and enters sexual rehab.
Me! I am French. It explains everything. One bad thing about ze EU. It is becoming
hypocritically Anglo-Saxonized. Everybody does it. Ze males take, ze females give.
It's, what you call it ... ze fact naturel. I have been called a rutting chimpanzee by an
admirer of my ways. But I am just a poodle, a little toy French poodle.
Have you noticed the names of my fellow celebrities. Spitzer, Weiner, Filner ... zey
are all ze same type ... like me ... we are all ze same kind ... dogs.
I used to 'ave a Weiner ... cute little thing wiz a sexy rump and a cute curving tail. An'
ze Spitzers are full of ... 'ow you say it ... pep.
An' don't forget our amiable Italian Greyhound friend wiz ze long name Burlesque ...
o! too long .. I forget ze rest. The Italian court found him guilty of what ... having fun
... just like me.
So, I do a friend a favor .. zey call it pimping. I call it being a victim of my generous
nature. Same wiz my Italian friend ... generous to his guests ... too generous to the
females ... generous to a fault ... zey say it's against ze law. What law?
And Filner ... sad story. He asked one if she had someone special in her life. She
said no, but she had herpes. Did he want it? ... Another told him .. yes, she had a
female ... did he have a male (she was gay). A hang-dog Filner ... he needs help.
And Spitzer, Weiner and I and others, we are all suffering from PTSD or is it PTBD --
zese acronyms, I never know. All I know for sure ... we are ze dogs of war.
What a big fuss about such a little thing? And you know what ... one of my
paramours agrees with me. She said the same thing.