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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
December 31, 2017
News Item: Scots celebrate hogmanay (New Year's eve) with parades, fireworks and
wild ceilidhs (pronounced 'kaeli' meaning parties with dancing, singing and
It's a proud hog tradition ...
Aye and the humans have usurped it ...
Careful now, you know I am sensitive about that ...
Sorry then ... and ach hog! I should say. Don't you enjoy the fireworks, the torch
light parades, the ceilidh.
Ach! I do! I do! And the kilts and the silver buckles, and the dressed up women,
even the costumes. Ooh, I like all of it.
Then what is it?
Well, they have taken our wild wallowing parties ...
Ach! They have the Loony Dook when they splash in the Forth in sight of the Forth
I know, I know. But they should respect us if we gave them hogmanay.
But they do! They do!
No they don't. Sometimes they eat us.
But they eat haggis on hogmanay, don't they?
Aye, they do. Then they eat us the rest of the year. Where do you think the bacon,
the ham, the pork chops and roasts come from.
Don't worry man ... er, I mean hog -- those are not you, they are those soulless pink
creatures, nothing like you and your tusks. You are a true boar. Happy hogmanay!
Ach man! Thanks! But I still feel sorry for them. They are cousins. Still, I am off to a
wild wallow where anything goes ...