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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
December 30, 2018
LITTLE DRUMMER MAN
New Item: The popular Christmas song "Little Drummer Boy" came out in the 1950s.
You know they are writing songs about me ...
Of course, Mr. President.
Yes, I just heard it the other day ...
What is it called, Sir?
I don't know. I just heard snatches of it.
It wouldn't hurt us to publicize it. Do you happen to remember how it goes?
Oh yes, I do. Sings loudly, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP,
You know Sir, I don't like the 'RUMP' part. Perhaps we can alter it in the version we
Why what's wrong with it? I thought it referred to my love of rump steak and
cheeseburgers and so on. Say, while I am thinking about it ... could you call down
for a cheeseburger? I am getting sort of hungry. Starts humming,
TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP, TRUMP-PA ...
Sir, (as he picks up the phone) I don't know a lot of Christmas songs but your song
has a certain familiar ring to it ...
So, you have heard it too. Well, well, doesn't surprise me. It's clearly a hit. Say, they
are using my name and the TRUMP brand ... can we sue them for part of the
I don't know offhand but you have a point. I'll make inquiries.
How's the cheeseburger coming? ... TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP, TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP,
TRUMP-PA-PA-RUMP ... I like it.
It's on its way. I like it too. Starts humming and soon both are singing it together ...