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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
December 25, 2011
RODOLFO EL RENO DE LA NARIZ ROJA
(I prefer to use my Spanish name because there are more Spanish speaking
Yes, it is happy times, especially for the little ones, so it is painful for me to
bring you this tale of woe. You will not believe this, but Santa has become a
global capitalist. He is outsourcing or something like that -- I don't really
All I can tell you is this. The elves are so poor they have hardly anything to
eat, even when they eat so little.
He has the Chinese delivering the presents in large container ships -- you
won't be seeing me flying across the sky with my red nose flashing. Anyway,
I can no longer afford a battery for my flasher. It's a choice between eating
So, there you are: the fat jolly old soul we all knew has been transformed.
It all started with an investment banker he met last year. The man convinced
him it was stupid to give away free toys. And how long at his age could he
keep scrambling down chimneys before he hurt his spine and ran up huge
medical bills. He listened. There he is now, filthy rich, while the North Pole
is full of destitute elves and me and my fellow reindeer.
If you ask him to look around and see the devastation, you know what he
says? He says people should rely on themselves not on somebody else to
dole out wages and look after them. He says that is socialism, maybe even
communism, the worst ills mankind has seen according to him. All I know is,
I am starving.