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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
December 16, 2018
THE CHEESEBURGER DOES IT
News Item: Trump's attorney a fixer goes to jail for 3 years blaming Trump.
Get me a cheeseburger ...
But Mr. President ...
(Menacingly) Get me a cheeseburger and make it a double.
Let me think. I need time to think. Those howling reporters. All the time howling
reporters. They call me a mob boss. Wish I was, wish I was. That would take care of
these horrible, horrible reporters. The things they say ...
Here you are sir. Reheated from your stash in the refrigerator. Just the way you like
it with the cheese oozing out of the sides.
Okay, okay. (Takes a colossal bite). That's better. Much better. Now I can think.
Let me see now ... What do lawyers do? Give advice. I've got it. By God I've got it!
That's what I did. Took advice.
(Speaking with his mouth full) You're a genius. What's your name now? There have
been so many changes I don't remember. I know I've seen you around somewhere.
Mulvaney, Mr. President.
You're a genius Mulrooney. I've made a good pick.
What did I do, sir?
You do a great job heating cheeseburgers, and I've got it.
Got what Mr. President?
Got what I am going to say to the press. Don't you see? He was my my lawyer. He
advised me to settle, and I told him to take care of it. You see I acted on his advice.
That's what I pay lawyers for (takes another satisfied bite out of the cheeseburger).
He told me what to do.