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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill

December 13, 2020
WHERE THERE'S HOPE
News Item: Trump still refuses to concede hoping the electors will reverse their
mandates and vote for him.
Well Doughnaald, can I start packing?
No, no! Not yet, Melania. Have some patience. . .
Patience for what, Doughnaald. We have to leave.
I am telling you, Melania. I won, and the electors will vote for me on December 14.
All right then. That's tomorrow. I suppose I can wait another day, Doughnaald. But
I'm worried . . .
Oh you needn't, Melania. I won, and the electors will side with me. You'll see.
It'll be a miracle . . .
Yes, Melania. A miracle in the season of miracles.
There you go again, and I am worried . . .
I am telling you, Melania. It will be an amazing victory. . . a fantastic and beautiful
thing. Yes Melania, victory is beautiful. I love to win.
I know you do. That's why I am worried.
Don't, Melania. I've won and we will not be moving from the White House.
That's what I am worried about . . . You refusing to go and the marshals coming to
drag you out -- a giant of a man being pulled out of the White House like a beached
whale . . . and the TV cameras buzzing away. . . and us on the evening news . . .
We've been on the news before, Melania . . .
But not this way. We'll be a laughing stock . . .
It's better the people laugh than they cry, Melania.
Oh, Doughnaald! I afraid you lose your mind . . .
No, Melania and just to prove it . . . will you get me a large CHEESEBURGER with
everything and don't skimp on the CHEESE . . .
Oh, Doughnaald!!