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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill

December 13, 2020


News Item: Trump still refuses to concede hoping the electors will reverse their
mandates and vote for him.

Well Doughnaald, can I start packing?

No, no!  Not yet, Melania.  Have some patience. . .

Patience for what, Doughnaald.  We have to leave.

I am telling you, Melania.  I won, and the electors will vote for me on December 14.

All right then.  That's tomorrow.  I suppose I can wait another day, Doughnaald.  But
I'm worried . . .

Oh you needn't, Melania.  I won, and the electors will side with me.  You'll see.

It'll be a miracle . . .

Yes, Melania.  A miracle in the season of miracles.

There you go again, and I am worried . . .

I am telling you, Melania.  It will be an amazing victory. . . a fantastic and beautiful
thing.  Yes Melania, victory is beautiful.  I love to win.

I know you do.  That's why I am worried.

Don't, Melania.  I've won and we will not be moving from the White House.

That's what I am worried about . . . You refusing to go and the marshals coming to
drag you out -- a giant of a man being pulled out of the White House like a beached
whale . . . and the TV cameras buzzing away. . . and us on the evening news . . .

We've been on the news before, Melania . . .

But not this way.  We'll be a laughing stock . . .

It's better the people laugh than they cry, Melania.

Oh, Doughnaald!  I afraid you lose your mind . . .

No, Melania and just to prove it . . . will you get me a large CHEESEBURGER with
everything and don't skimp on the CHEESE . . .

Oh, Doughnaald!!