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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 11, 2016

GRAND OLLAMA PROCLAMATIONS

News Item:  President Obama delivers final foreign policy speech.  And a White
House paper on fighting terrorism is released.


I want to be remembered as a wise and noble Grand Ollama.  Therefore, I say unto
you, when we fight terror we must always do so remembering our values.

Like waterboarding the famous truth cure of the Spanish Inquisition inherited by us in
the Philippines?

No, no, no!  We will never torture.  Doughnuts and coffee always work better.

And of course napalming villages, and naked little girls with clothes burned off their
skin running in terror.

That is all in the past ...

Not according to the President-elect ...

We now have sophisticated drones that can target even individual houses.

With extended families living together in Afghanistan when out of two dozen
members, mostly women and children, only a single male might be the target.

In war there is collateral damage.

Collateral damage means dead human beings.  A society using euphemisms is a
society deceiving itself.

I say unto you, these are good wars where the great final outcome requires a period
of distress.

Like in Libya or Iraq or Syria or Afghanistan, the good war.  In eight years, at least a
million dead and millions upon millions displaced.

It will be a shining world one day built on what I have done.  I have been a humane
president ... Some even say a wise and noble one ...

Heaven help us ...