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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
December 7, 2014


News Item:  The Obama administration has appointed more ambassadors who were
campaign fund raisers than any previous president.

How come you Bo?  You didn't directly raise money and you are  certainly no
professional diplomat.

I was a catalyst ... a very important one.  People love dogs ... I make my master, the
Grand Ollama more attractive.

Why Portugal?  And I hope you know about strategic importance ... unlike the soap
opera producer who is to be our ambassador to Hungary.

I am Portuguese ... be like going home in a way.  And I do what he says, no
arguments, no discussion, not like that pesky Hagel guy, questioning everything.

The Grand Ollama doesn't like questions?

No, he goes by the polls.  He calls it the new Athenian democracy.

But the public's views are shaped by six giant media companies ... some tell blatant
lies, others deal in half-truths.

He doesn't mind going along.  After all, who wants to be crucified by the media.  He
remembers the louche Bill Clinton, who survived the most tawdry episode of sexual
exploitation in presidential history plus impeachment, and has made a
post-presidential fortune in speaking fees alone.

You know, you guard the home pretty well, you are exactly what the Ollama wants;
why didn't you try for Secretary of Defense?

I was thinking of that.  But the guy who sneaked into the White House was my
undoing ...

You're not being banished to Portugal, are you?

Who knows?  I'll miss the girls though ... they were nice to me.