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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
December 1, 2013
PARDON MY POPCORN
News Item: Traditional since the Kennedy administration, the President pardons a
turkey who moves to quiet retirement. This year Popcorn was the winning turkey duly
pardoned on Wednesday.
When they first told me I was to be in a turkey contest, I was horrified -- you know
what happens to winners of turkey contests! I tried my best to lose but kept winning
... winning all the way to the White House. What an end for Popcorn I thought ....
It was an imposing ceremony. They had prepared an elaborate sacrificial altar.
Looking at it, as you can imagine, I was scared. But I told myself, it's a lot better than
an abattoir, so stand straight, and take it like a proud member of the turkey race ...
who make the ultimate sacrifice every year.
And it was the ultimate insider, the white-inside, black-outside guy leading the
ceremony. Yes, we turkeys watch TV. I remember when young Trayvon was killed
pointlessly, just because he was black, by the scary guy who's now in trouble for
beating up his girlfriend. Well, I remember the same chief honcho saying he
experienced this sort of fear and people crossing the street to avoid him when he was
a young man.
An' you know what I'm thinkin': Now that he's an older black guy, he's gone and got
himself a gang, a military, drones an' all, an' the whole world's afraid of him.
He is dressed in black top to bottom: black shoes, black pants, black overcoat, black
scarf. He is the executive. He executes. And he is coming toward me. Man, he's a
gutsy one ... going to use his bare hands -- the old fashioned way, the quick pull and
twist. They have placed me on the altar. I close my eyes and stand erect.
And, am I surprised! A change for my kind; I am spared. Well, the man did say he
liked 'change' ...