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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
November 30, 2014
TOM TURKEY: "WHEN HE RAISED HIS HAND ..."
News Item: During Thanksgiving, which fell on November 27th this year, Americans
eat 46 million turkeys. President Obama held the traditional pardoning ceremony for
one turkey on the White House lawn.
Don't tell me, I know. We are not as stupid as you think ...
I have seen my friends disappear one by one: There was bombastic Bill, "Nobody is
ever going to get me; they'll have to catch me first, and I am practising my
quick-getaway-and-fly-past-squawking-delight technique. You know a kind of
thumbing your nose at them."
Well, I guess he didn't practice enough. Then there was sweet Terri ... yes, Tom and
Terri ... we were always together. She wouldn't hurt a fly ... wouldn't even eat a juicy
bug ... grain fed by choice. She's gone and I miss her so ...
And there was Dave. You know the type. Always looking out for himself.
Didn't look out enough though ... haven't seen him for a while and don't expect to ...
Oh yes, and Cebi the Snake we called her ... always scheming. You had to watch out
for her. Well she got away for a long time by putting others ahead in the queue, but
So here I am, lucky I guess ... if you can call the agony of waiting longer than the
others ... luck. But as they say it's lucky to be alive.
The caught me in the end and brought me to this huge white house. I am in the
garden on a white table. Everything is white ... my God, I am going to be a sacrifice
in some horrible human ritual. These crazy humans have only recently stopped
eating each other and sacrificing each other. As I was saying, this tall black guy -- he
must be the priest -- he stands out against the white, including me, and he is raising
his hand ... Good Bye!
I waited for the sharp pain but it never came. Then they all laughed and clapped and
now I am on this farm having a whale of a time. It was a miracle! Funny thing ... I
never knew God was black ...