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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
November 29, 2020

TRUMP'S SECRET

News Item:  Donald Trump agrees to abide by the vote of the electors on December
15.

Oh Doughnaald!  I am proud of you.

For what . . . losing?

No Doughnaald.  For putting the country first.

I always have, Melania.  What's good for the country is good for me, and what's good
for me is good for the country.

What do you mean, Doughnaald?

When we do well, the country does well and when the country does well, we do well.  
It's simple.

Now Doughnaald, we are going to leave the White House are we not?

Melania, you have to wait for the electoral vote.

But, but . . .

No buts, Melania, I have a plan.

Oh no!  Doughnaald!

I do.  You see I am going to tell the electors that for safety reasons -- you know, the
virus -- we have to transport them to a secret location.

Where are you sending them, Doughnaald?  To China?

No, no, no, Melania.  We are going to put them underground in the vaults designed
to keep the president and his essential staff safe in case of nuclear attack.

This is crazy, Doughnaald.  What about their families?

Exactly.

What do you mean, Doughnaald?

I am going to tell them if they don't vote right, they can stay in the vault eating those
dried biscuits as long as they like until they learn to cast the proper vote.  I was
cheated, Melania.  

But Doughnaald!  That's kidnapping and blackmail.

You just don't understand politics and playing hardball, Melania.  Why don't you just
get me a big, fat, juicy CHEESEBURGER . . .