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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
November 24, 2019
News Item: Since the ban on trophy hunting, the brown bear population in Romania
is growing, causing conflict with humans.
I am a shepherd and they have eaten three sheep.
I am a bear. They killed my big handsome father for a trophy. Imagine, just to stick
his stuffed head on a wall! How do humans think?
But I have to make a living ...
And we have to eat, and an occasional sheep ...
But it costs me and I loved my sheep ...
What about my cousins who've been hit by those metal monsters you sit in, the ones
that run at unimaginable speed.
You should watch when you cross the road.
Watch? Why they come from nowhere, sometimes farting blue farts. Can you
imagine these human monsters? What a stink ...
What about dragons breathing fire?
We know that's just stories. We are not stupid. We can tell the difference between
real and fake. That delicious looking young sheep straying near the forest is real.
You, on the other hand, look rather chewy to me.
Meaning you are quite safe as are most shepherds and you exaggerate attacks.
Why do you come so near the forest?
Sometimes we have to ...
And you keep building these gray strips through the forest so you can ride your
stinking monsters in our home. Not too many bears it seems, too many humans ....