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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
November 15, 2015
DOPING THE BEAR
News Item: The World Anti-Doping Agency claims the Russian sports authorities are
complicit in the doping of their athletes and has called for banning all Russian
It's an American conspiracy, da?
Da, These Americans are afraid of us and our manhood and womanhood.
Da. Why don't they put their own house in order?
Everyone is doing it. Look at Usain Bolt, Justin Gatlin, Tyson Gay, Asafa Powell. The
whole top 100 meter line ...
Truth is, it's become hard for the honest to compete.
They should really make them all legal. Training, coaches, diet, training at altitude,
and so on all confer advantages. Why not add the latest innovations?
You mean my doctor against yours! Maybe they should share the podium.
Well they do perform miracles. Remember Lance Armstrong ...
Oh, everybody is doped up in the cycling world.
Hey, you are looking very spry these days ...
And you are not ...
Heh! Heh! Heh! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Come to think of it, what about Putin ... Horse riding, swimming, judo. Handles himself
like a man half his age ... and is beating the crap out of these Western leaders ...
Some of our doctors are really good ...
They have a lot of experience.
So it's good-bye Brazil ...
Brazil will stick by us.
Da, it's the others ... and they all do it ...