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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
November 10, 2019
SUMO SWAN
News Item: Hiyori Kon is an amateur sumo wrestling champ in Japan but unable to
compete professionally because women are banned.
What are they afraid of? That's all I ask.
You mean they won't give any reason ...
No, they won't, and think of all the sacrifices I have made to get where I am at age 22.
In what way is that?
I have to eat, eat, eat, though I'd rather be a swan.
Well, I can think of many women trying to keep their figures, always watching calories,
would love that.
Yes, but I have to eat to keep increasing my weight and be imposing, fearsome, and
difficult to move.
What's wrong with that?
Try getting a date ...
Have you tried the internet?
They're all scared of me. Once I used my sister's picture.
What happened?
When he saw me, he looked scared. He ran away when I ordered a dozen Big Macs.
What did you do?
I ate 'em and ordered a dozen more to console myself. I have feelings too. Just so
you know, under this imposing exterior beats a little girl's heart.
Do you dream of a fairy tale prince?
That I don't. I always imagine how I could throw him out of a sumo ring into the
audience ...
SUMO SWAN
News Item: Hiyori Kon is an amateur sumo wrestling champ in Japan but unable to
compete professionally because women are banned.
What are they afraid of? That's all I ask.
You mean they won't give any reason ...
No, they won't, and think of all the sacrifices I have made to get where I am at age 22.
In what way is that?
I have to eat, eat, eat, though I'd rather be a swan.
Well, I can think of many women trying to keep their figures, always watching calories,
would love that.
Yes, but I have to eat to keep increasing my weight and be imposing, fearsome, and
difficult to move.
What's wrong with that?
Try getting a date ...
Have you tried the internet?
They're all scared of me. Once I used my sister's picture.
What happened?
When he saw me, he looked scared. He ran away when I ordered a dozen Big Macs.
What did you do?
I ate 'em and ordered a dozen more to console myself. I have feelings too. Just so
you know, under this imposing exterior beats a little girl's heart.
Do you dream of a fairy tale prince?
That I don't. I always imagine how I could throw him out of a sumo ring into the
audience ...