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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
November 3, 2013
News Item: An Afghan family testifies before Congress. Nabila Rehman aged nine
tells of the drone strike injuring her, and killing her 67-year old grandmother
Marmana, while they were out in their field picking okra. No explanation, no
apologies to the family so far.
Yeah, I am FIDOTUS -- that's first Dog of the United States if you didn't know -- and
I've been promoted to DOA.
No! No! That's not Dead on Arrival. I am quite alive as you can see. No, that's a
warning to the enemies of our freedom. Yeah, they're gonna have to deal with me,
the DOA, the Dog on Attack.
Yup, I'm also DD the very first trained Drone Dog.
Wonders of modern technology ... the drone samples the air and signals content.
That, including smells, are simulated through this muzzle I wear. And I respond ...
What do I do? You see this large red button here. No! No! No! Don't touch it!
Shoot! You know what you just did? You let loose a Hellfire missile. Some poor
sap's gonna get it. How does it feel, eh? Not so good, huh!
Don't worry, happens to me too. Just the other day I sat back to scratch myself --
damn these White House fleas they're resistant to everything. Guess what
happened? As I turned, scratching, I sat on that darn button. Another poor sap ...
It's the fates of war ... collateral damage. Eventually we are all collateal damage ...
can't be helped.
Anyhow, I didn't ask for the job, did I? I am the best they could get ... and, I suffer for