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The Porcupine's Quill:
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
October 31, 2010

LUCY'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT.... GRANDDAUGHTER

by Arshad M Khan

Christine O'Donnell, the Republican candidate for Delaware Senator who
makes her born-again Christianity a central issue in her campaign, has been
accused this week of having a one-night stand.  Prior to this, there have
been numerous ethical lapses starting with a failure to pay her final bills at
her alma mater and therefore not actually receiving her graduating diploma,
etc.

Yes, Lucy is the Grandma of us all, and while I can believe that, I can not -
not, not, not - believe she is 3.2 million years old or she is a mixture of ape
and human.

The Bible says 6000 years and that's what I believe -- these evolutionists just
give us a theory and then play God trying to force us to believe it.  I ask,
why?

Okay, I am now the candidate of a major party for the Senate seat once
occupied by the Vice President.  Do you know why I am here and why more
people know me than my opponent?

It's simple.  I know about publicity as does Lucy.  I have worked in public
relations; she would have.  Australopithecus Afarensis, Homo sapiens?  We
are all God's children.

Now they are writing all kinds of things about me.  Even a story of a
one-night stand.  Can't we have more equality? They tell us we are equal to
men and then they punish us.  If it had been a single man, it'd just be a nod
and a wink.  Anyway I am not saying the story is true - could be a kid's fantasy
now that I am famous. Right?  Anyway, it was Halloween and the witch in me
was loose.

Well, I love to run - so did Lucy, one of the world's first - and I don't mean
just a slow jog; I love to run for the Senate.  My third try -- third time lucky,
eh?

One more thing... so what if I couldn't pay my bills.  Money is hard to come by
- at least till this Senate run.  You know Fairleigh Dickinson should have
given me my diploma, instead of the fuss they raised.  It would have been
the Christian thing to do.