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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
October 28, 2018


News Item:  Moose munch rich green plants from lakebeds and then transfer
nitrogen when they poop and pee on land.

What are you diving down to the lake bottom for Mr. Moose?

None of your business Duck.  You do it too, don't you?

But we've been doing it for a long time and the worms are ours.

I am not eating worms.

Yeah, but you are making a helluva mess, and you know after you eat that much
something else happens.

Something else!  Something else!  You're confusing us with all those cows ...

It may not be that frequent but I was diving for a worm when the earth shook and the
water reverberated.  I thought it was the end ...

Of course it was ... it was my back end.  But I told you I don't do it very often.

Can't you give us a warning signal.

No I can't and I won't.  How insulting  ... Mr. Moose is about to fart, hold your ears ...

And nose.  What's worse you know  ... when there is a three, a two and a one can't
be far behind.  Think of the mess.  Soon there'll be nothing alive in the lake.

Now you are being offensive.  I am aware of my duties.  Generations of moose have
been feeding off lake- bed plants and we know what to do.  We always poop and pee
on land after we finish eating.

Well, thank you!  My, we should give you a medal ...

So you should because we nourish the soil.  Look at the lush vegetation this far north