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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Oct 23, 2011
Item: George W. Bush's Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld published his
book, "Known and Unknown: A Memoir" earlier in the year. He is remembered
for his comment about known knowns, known unknowns and unknown
I may act like a duck, walk like a duck, ... even quack like a duck! But a duck I
am not. I am a swan, and this is my swan song.
Unknown unknowns never bothered me. That's life. Now you see, I work at
a stand-up desk. You might ask why anyone with a sane mind would want to
stand all day when he could sit comfortably at a regular desk. That's what I
call a known unknown -- keeps my subordinates off balance -- you know
what I mean ... is he a nut or something?
Why did we go into Iraq? Well, it was there ... for the taking I mean, plus that
S. O. B. SoDamn Insane or whatever his name was. It's good to teach 'em a
lesson once in a while; keeps 'em in line so to speak. I was a wrestler in
school, you know -- New Trier in Winnetka, Illinois. Some say it's a rich kids'
playground. It's not. They work you darned hard. Then I got a NROTC
scholarship to Princeton -- wrestled some more, chewed a few ears -- and so
to the Navy. I like to fight. Then to government and politics -- it's tougher.
Gotta have a thick skin too. Have to.
After all this it was an unknown known that got me. It's a category I didn't
mention before. But it's the only way I can describe that kid ... I mean young
George. Knew his Dad ... darned decent guy ... but that kid I tell ya ... he's
one crazy kid -- never realized it until too late -- crazy as a fox ... the
Still I'm happy here at the ranch. Quiet. Peaceful. By the by, I had a long
sofa by my stand-up desk, ha! ha!