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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
October 14, 2012
MOLE MELEE -- MOLE HIDIN' VS MOLE CRYIN'
News Item: The Vice Presidential debate was held on Thursday and commonly
perceived as a victory for Joe Biden over Paul Ryan -- the latter known for a mastery
of facts, figures and arcane data, yet to no avail.
The mole is an interesting creature: almost eyeless, can be star-nosed, a pursed
annular mouth sporting stiff, brush-like feelers. It digs and it digs, constructing a
subterranean mansion of interesting tunnels and living areas; its food (worms)
dropping off the walls to satisfy its needs. Unseen and unchecked, it can destroy the
lawn above, killing the grass and lumping the surface.
God love ya! This guy forgets we are in the same business -- digging holes. As my
dad used to say, "Moley" he would say, "Moley, you can't trust a guy who talks out of
both sides of his mouth." Hard worker, my dad. Had a real hard life, but he saw us
through. Everything I know about diggin' holes, subterranean construction, I learned
from him. Yep, he brought up a large family -- we weren't rich but we managed.
Bless him he taught us to work hard, look out for the others around us. Values.
Values have been my compass.
That's what I mean by stimulus. Look out for the other guy. And this young mole
trying to take it apart ... I have to tell you, it hurts, it hurts right here -- pointing to his
heart. All of us, we are in this thing together, you, me, you folks out there, even him.
And we gotta pull together. Funny thing though ... he criticizes the stimulus, yet he
sent me a letter asking for stimulus funds for his constituents.
Lemme tell you something. My mother -- we lost her a few years ago. She was right
there with my father. Decent woman, hard worker, smart. Worked two jobs so life
would be a little better for us kids. Yep, she used to say, "If you won't look out for
your neighbor, who will? Remember, you too might need a helping hand someday."
Okay! Okay! Mole Hidin' can tell you a folksy tale. The truth is, you can give a man
a fish, he has a meal. But if you teach him to fish, he can look after himself without
handouts. What he needs is a job and skills. What we need to do is cut taxes and
get rid of regulations that stifle growth, so he can have one. This way we can get the
economy moving again giving us jobs, and training for jobs through the private
sector. Folks, can you trust the government to get you a job?
And Mole Cryin' will? Look what they did in the last eight years they had the White
House. Went from a surplus to a colossal deficit and a near depression. That was
the mess left for us to clean up and we are still doing it. Do you really want to get
back to the failed trickle-down theories where they give the money to their rich friends
and expect you to wait for the scraps?
Sure! Mole Hidin' wants you to wait for trickle-down government. Are you better off
after their four years?
And so it went on. Meanwhile, the hidden funding of both campaigns, by more or less
the same interests, continues the digging out of the foundations of the middle class
and the steady erosion of equality. The U.S. is now the most economically unequal
among developed nations and is even worse than many developing countries like
India and Pakistan.
MOLE MELEE -- MOLE HIDIN' VS MOLE CRYIN'
News Item: The Vice Presidential debate was held on Thursday and commonly
perceived as a victory for Joe Biden over Paul Ryan -- the latter known for a mastery
of facts, figures and arcane data, yet to no avail.
The mole is an interesting creature: almost eyeless, can be star-nosed, a pursed
annular mouth sporting stiff, brush-like feelers. It digs and it digs, constructing a
subterranean mansion of interesting tunnels and living areas; its food (worms)
dropping off the walls to satisfy its needs. Unseen and unchecked, it can destroy the
lawn above, killing the grass and lumping the surface.
God love ya! This guy forgets we are in the same business -- digging holes. As my
dad used to say, "Moley" he would say, "Moley, you can't trust a guy who talks out of
both sides of his mouth." Hard worker, my dad. Had a real hard life, but he saw us
through. Everything I know about diggin' holes, subterranean construction, I learned
from him. Yep, he brought up a large family -- we weren't rich but we managed.
Bless him he taught us to work hard, look out for the others around us. Values.
Values have been my compass.
That's what I mean by stimulus. Look out for the other guy. And this young mole
trying to take it apart ... I have to tell you, it hurts, it hurts right here -- pointing to his
heart. All of us, we are in this thing together, you, me, you folks out there, even him.
And we gotta pull together. Funny thing though ... he criticizes the stimulus, yet he
sent me a letter asking for stimulus funds for his constituents.
Lemme tell you something. My mother -- we lost her a few years ago. She was right
there with my father. Decent woman, hard worker, smart. Worked two jobs so life
would be a little better for us kids. Yep, she used to say, "If you won't look out for
your neighbor, who will? Remember, you too might need a helping hand someday."
Okay! Okay! Mole Hidin' can tell you a folksy tale. The truth is, you can give a man
a fish, he has a meal. But if you teach him to fish, he can look after himself without
handouts. What he needs is a job and skills. What we need to do is cut taxes and
get rid of regulations that stifle growth, so he can have one. This way we can get the
economy moving again giving us jobs, and training for jobs through the private
sector. Folks, can you trust the government to get you a job?
And Mole Cryin' will? Look what they did in the last eight years they had the White
House. Went from a surplus to a colossal deficit and a near depression. That was
the mess left for us to clean up and we are still doing it. Do you really want to get
back to the failed trickle-down theories where they give the money to their rich friends
and expect you to wait for the scraps?
Sure! Mole Hidin' wants you to wait for trickle-down government. Are you better off
after their four years?
And so it went on. Meanwhile, the hidden funding of both campaigns, by more or less
the same interests, continues the digging out of the foundations of the middle class
and the steady erosion of equality. The U.S. is now the most economically unequal
among developed nations and is even worse than many developing countries like
India and Pakistan.