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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
October 16, 2011
PERRYMAN FLY BY
News Item: Governor Rick Perry of Texas performs poorly again in a
Republican Primary debate but captures media attention by saying the
American Revolution occurred in the 16th century.
Well, every morning before breakfast, I put on my Perryman suit and fly
around cleaning up my town. Why just a minute ago a kid walking to school
dropped a gum wrapper. I swooped down and picked it up. See, I still got it
He puts his hands inside his red over/underpants and pulls it out.
You know, I hate not having any pockets on this suit. Do you think I should
add one here, or maybe one on each side?
He points to the blue Texas Lone Star on his chest with a large P in the
Now look, I am following the kid because, for sure, he is going to spit that
gum and I want to be ready to pick it up. And! I saved the wrapper because I
sure don't want to put that sticky gum in my pants. I am gonna wrap it first.
You see, that's called foresight. It's what my opponents lack including that
cult freak. Hey, strike that! I didn't say it.
My ancestors, they sailed in on the Plymouth -- or was it a Ford? I forget.
Well anyway, they knew they were Americans right then, and they weren't
gonna put up with the Brits and their pesky George. So they started
preparing for the Revolution -- helped by the Indians, of course. That's why
we have Thanksgiving.
And that preparation helped win the Revolutionary War. Foresight, you see.
He swooped down, picked up the gum the kid spat out and wrapped it neatly
in the wrapper, stowing it away carefully in his over/underpants.
As I was saying ... I love Indians and I love them Orientals too. I love
everybody. That's Christian, and it's in my blood line. I haven't said this
before but it's true. Commodore Perry, my ancestor, loved those Geishas.
Isn't that something? He was ahead of his time. Foresight you see. It's a
Yes Sir. I love all minorities. It's the Christian thing to do. Coat Rack, I mean
Bar Rack, or is it Barrack? Well, he ain't the only one the minorities should
be looking to.
See what I've done in my State with those wetbacks. Strike that! I mean
Mexicans. Hey, I love chilli just as much as the next guy. Not like that high
falutin', Bar Rack and his prawn cocktails and arugula salad. I am just a
regular guy -- chilli, burgers, ribs, and Texas Longhorn steak. Hey, that's
making me hungry. Gotta get breakfast.
With that he whooshed off, his large cape fluttering in the wind.
But suddenly he did a U-turn, flying right back.
Hey, did I tell you. One of my ancestors fought a dinosaur. My job's easy ...
And he flew off again with a wave and a flashing smile.