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The Porcupine's Quill:
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the satire column
October 10, 2010
CIMEX LECTULARIUS AND FAMILY
by Arshad M Khan
News Item: Bed bugs proliferating in the Eastern corridor; Meg Whitman,
Republican candidate for Governor of California, in trouble over
mistreatment of domestic staff.
Okay, I admit it. I am Cimex Megtularius. Is that a crime? I am what I am, and
I am being what I am supposed to be. This is God's great design and I have
enough humility to accept it. So, I suck the blood out of humans but that is
my purpose in life.
Look at my opponent. They called him Governor Moonbeam last time, and
guess where he spent most of his time then. Not in the State House, more
in the Governor's mansion with his singer friend. Juicy weren't they? Come
to think of it, some of my relatives were right beside them, so I have it from,
as you say, the horse's mouth - though theirs is a little different as you can
see from the beautiful photo from our family album.
As a matter of fact most of us are on the East Coast as these nosy reporters
have found out. You know them: Cimex Rubinularius sucking away daintily
persuading people it's for their own good; Sommersularius, a greedy sucker
but always missing out on the big feast; Rahmilarius, another dainty one - a
ballet dancer if you please - turned nasty to get attention, now wants his
teeth into the big prize catch in Chicago; Weillarius, the fattest one of all
with the biggest appetite; the Sachsularius family and their ilk sucking away
around the world - my! some have been so greedy they exploded literally
from overindulgence. What a bloody mess they left us!
But that's the way it it. I have to get back. I have an applicant for
housekeeper arriving. Yum! Yum!