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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Oct 9, 2011
ROMNEY MARSH SHEEP
News Item: Mit Romney announces he would increase defense spending
still further if elected President.
The Romney sheep have a proud heritage. We colonized New Zealand -- still
are the majority there. Our ancestors went to Australia; we are in Canada,
even mixed in well in the good ol' U.S. of A. Yes sir! we are everywhere.
We are hardy. We deliver fine wool and lots of it. We have come a long way
from Romney Marsh, Kent. Trust me! we do the job.
But how can you possibly increase defense spending at a time like this? Tax
revenues are down. People are unemployed. We are running huge
deficits. Issuing Treasuries and expecting the Chinese to pick them up can
only go on so long. Aren't the Chinese going to figure out they are paying
for a military arrayed against them?
The world has always underestimated us Romneys. I have a plan, a secret
plan but, off the record, I'll tell you. I have a secret research program in
mind. We are going to generate wings on Romney sheep, genetically
modified with American bald eagle genes. Yes Sir! We will have flying
sheep -- millions of them. If nothing, we Romneys know how to breed.
You don't get it. Like my rivals, you lack imagination. You know what
happens when a passing bird spots you. Now imagine a sky covered in
Romneys, millions and millions of them, trained to deliver. It would bring any
country to a halt. Imagine Kim, whatever the rest of his name is, covered in
it. He'll be at the negotiating table in no time. Ditto for Iran and pesky
Pakistan, and all those guys threatening Israel. And the beauty of it is ... it's