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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
September 29, 2013
FIDOTUS -- FIRST DOG
News Item: Criticism of U.S. surveillance at the U.N. General Assembly, the most
vociferous from Dilma Rousseff, the President of Brazil, whose emails were
First, let's get my name straight. I was named B.O. after my master's initials, but then
who wants to be called B.O. So I became Bo.
But here's the thing: When my master was a kid in school, they teased him with that
nickname. It made him turn inward. He became wary and cautious. They soon
caught on to that and started calling him W.C. ... for wary and cautious.
Between B.O. and W.C., the guy got no breaks so he became quiet and determined
... took up basketball with an obsessive dedication -- even bounced the ball,
practicing as he walked to school. He became quite good and earned a new
nickname O'Bomber for his fast breaks.
So,never count him out.
Anyway, this week has been hell. He hates everything Portuguese, so I'm keep'n a
low profile, as they say.
Yeah, yeah! I know Dilma is from Brazil. But she speaks Portuguese ... get it? He
didn't expect a Brazilian Jaguar snarl, he wanted a Manmohan me-ow. After all, India
is bugged much worse than Brazil. They're in the Jordan, Iran, Pakistan league
although not all for the same reasons. Terrorists threats, commercial interests,
foreign policy considerations ... all play a part ...
Meanwhile, I have changed my breed name -- no longer Portuguese Water Dog, I am
now Freedom Water Dog.