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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
September 21, 2014
THE GRAND OLLAMA HOLDS A FUNDRAISER
News Item: The November elections are upon us and fundraising is a must.
Yes, I am the Grand Ollama. Yet, I, too, must beg. It is not for me, you understand; it
is for the other llamas who support me and serve you.
Let me be frank. We need to feed the masses. We need to inform them of the
terrible danger that awaits should the pumas and other cats take over.
Oh, they don't show their teeth yet ... but wait 'till they wear the grand robes of
power. They'll soon bare their fangs then. And guess who will be on their menu?
Not the other fat cats, that's for sure. No sirree! It's the docile llamas and the other
poor feeders at the bottom of the food chain.
I say to you then. Open your hearts and above all open your pockets. It is not for
me. It is for your sake.
And if I charge $15,000 a plate, it is because our need is greater. You know one of
you came and had the audacity to leave only $15. When we complained, he claimed
he thought it was a fundraiser for the old Ollama, the people's Ollama who
fundraised in tens, fifties and twenties. Wake up to the new world llamas. If you want
to be safe from the big cats, it has to be at least $15,000 ... per plate, and our new
innovation is to charge per plate for each of the three courses of your dinner.