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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
September 6, 2020


News Item:  For the first time since 1920, an old custom has been revived in
Thailand.  King Vajiralongkorn has taken a consort -- in Thailand a partner outside of

I warned your father when we named you ... a 'longkorn' is worse than a bunion.

What are you talking about Mother?

Your name, child.  Your name ...

I am not a child.  I am your King.

Oh be quiet.  Imagine taking a consort ... and at your age.

What do you mean, 'at my age.'  I am still young.

Young!  You are past retirement age.  Sixty-eight years old and running around with
stewardesses and nurses ...

Mother, a young man must sow his wild oats.

Your oats are as wild as a wet sock.

Mother, someone might hear ...

Hear!  They already know your evening dessert is viagra.

Mother, I am having you banished from the palace.

I only wish your father was alive so I could have you whipped.  Unfortunately for you,
your father was too gentle.

That has been the problem, Mother.  This country needs a forceful King to be 'great

Oh, my God!  No.

What do you mean, Mother?

You have been listening to that American buffoon -- the one who screams every night