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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
August 18, 2013
A CHITAL'S LAMENT
News Item: India and Pakistan celebrated the 67th anniversary of independence
from Britain this week. During this time the two countries have fought three wars.
Relations remain strained with not infrequent border skirmishes.
You ask me what I am. Well, I am a chital, a spotted deer, and my ancestors once
roamed all over the Indian subcontinent. But now these crazy humans have what
they call a border.
Don't animals also mark territories?
Of course, of course, I know that. They spray to mark boundaries, but spraying is
one thing, humans are something else; they fire hot lead balls that kill.
They are not shooting at you ...
I know that too, I am what is euphemistically called 'collateral damage'. Dead to me
that is ... that's how I became an orphan. We have lost many of our kind.
Do you have any answers?
I am glad you asked. I don't, but I hear they are planning something because we
have learned to protest ... You see all these people are much like us ... they
defecate in the open. That is a statistical fact. It is not because they want to, but
because they have to.
You see the rich and the politicians can buy lavish houses in London's Mayfair, but
have made the poor in their countries so poor they cannot afford toilets; plus there
are no sanitary systems, sewers, or anything of that nature in areas where they live.
So nature is their last resort. What other choice do they have?
But the rulers have developed a new strategic peace initiative ... just another
example of their brilliance in the last half century they claim ...
Yes I know, what they want the poor to do now is to line up on the border and mark it
... both sides (for the poor are more or less the same on both sides). They are
calling it a unique peace deal -- peace hand in hand with tourist dollars.
They will call it the Great Wall of India -- a double wall built through internal struggle
... to prevent border skirmishes forever.
I promise you, it would keep us away. And, American and European tourists would
pay to come and see it. They pay to come and see anything ... including us.
The politicians and travel entrepreneurs are already sharing out the pie -- a new
source for even more riches.
Exercise your imagination ... in some places they might even make pyramids. More
and more people, less and less us ... more and more human scat.