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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
August 4, 2019
A CHANNEL CROSSING
News Item: Franky Zapata crossed the English Channel today flying upright on a
How did you do it Franky?
Well, I have to thank my team. The refueling boat halfway over, the designers of the
four jet engines, the hoverboard people and above all President Donald Trump.
President Trump? What does he have to do with it?
Everything. Without the inspiration I got from watching him, I couldn't have done it.
You mean his speech making ...
Oh no! I mean his eating.
Eating? How is that?
Have you noticed his shape?
Yes, he is rotund.
Well that's exactly it ... like an airship.
But you are flying vertically.
Like a boat, it's not the size that matters.
What do you mean?
It's the shape you see and the extra volume is filled with air.
In Trump's case, it's hot air.
I'm not talking politics, I'm serious. I need that hot iar.
So what did you do?
I examined his diet. It's cheeseburgers.
Cheeseburgers! And for a Frenchman. Sacre bleu!!
Necessity is the mother of invention. I started eating cheeseburgers. They fill you
with gas. And you can see where I am. Famous like Donald Trump ... and full of hot
air. So when I stopped for fuel half way across, my jet engines were fueled with
kerosene and I stoked up with cheeseburgers -- the secret of my success ... and now
you know it ...